“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” ― Paulo Coelho, Brida
I met Judy years ago, and she related her story to me that caused her to be indifferent towards men. Judy said she came home and found her live-in boyfriend, whom she had three children for, in bed with a woman, and she forgave him. In less than three months, she caught him in bed with another woman, and she forgave him. A few weeks later, a similar thing happened, and it impacted her so severely she was rushed to the Psychiatric hospital for treatment. During counseling, it was revealed that she depended on her ex for emotional support, so she allowed him to abuse her mentally. Then she said something significant that showed me she wasn’t fully healed. She said: “you know, I forgave him, but I can never forgive myself for being so stupid.”
Judy had a Master’s degree and worked as a part-time lecturer at a university and a full-time job as a demographer. Yet, she was emotionally dependent on her boyfriend. After attending counseling, Judy had received some healing, enough to open her eyes to what she had allowed in her life. Judy had come to accept that she allowed herself to be abused. She was able to forgive her boyfriend for all the pain he caused her. However, she found it very difficult to forgive herself. This unforgiveness resulted in Judy not allowing herself to move forward in relationships with other men. Judy submerged herself in her work and children. After a full day’s work, she would go home and continue working while helping her children with their homework. Her work and children were her world.
For some reason, Judy trusted me and would pour out all to me. I told her it was the anointing from God, and He wanted to help her. I talked to her and tried to explain that her lack of forgiveness had stopped her from having an excellent relationship with someone else. She agreed, but fear was holding her back. I had to remind her that it was better to love and get hurt than never to experience love at all. When a person can truly love, it is a most exhilarating feeling and leaves many beautiful memories. Despite Judy’s feelings towards men, she would often talk about wanting to get married. She would then joke about it so as not to appear serious.
I recently had a telephone conversation with Judy after not hearing from her for a few years, and she thanked me for my help and told me she had met someone and they were planning to get married.
Often, we are willing to forgive others but are reluctant to forgive ourselves. We sometimes tend to be harder on ourselves than others, so we behave as though it is ok for others to make mistakes, but it is not ok for ourselves to make them. There is no room for errors in our lives.
That should never be the case. We need to recognize that every person makes mistakes at some time, regardless of who they are. I would say that it is ok to make an error or a mistake, for by making errors, we can become better by learning from our mistakes. Many great inventions resulted from errors; some important ones are Penicillin, Wheaties, Microwaves, dynamite, and Velcro, to name a few. So don’t be so hard on yourself when you make an error. If you find it challenging to get over your mistakes, you should seek help as other underlying problems like pride or childhood abuse may be at the root.
A mistake can result in fear being induced in you, and we know that fear cripples you. Fear can stop you from moving forward with your life and prevent you from achieving your goals. When we accept that we are not perfect, it is easier to admit our errors and mistakes; learn from them, and move towards our goals. When we hold onto our past mistakes and do not forgive ourselves, it prevents us from moving forward and hence prevents us from achieving our goals and dreams. So today, I urge you to let go of the past, forgive yourself, forgive others and get back on track to achieving your dreams.
“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” – Mahatma Gandhi
